![]() ![]() (Remember the Dutch? We love them for their babies and their Brothers coffee, and of course, their airplane attendants’ ability to pronounce my last name.) How do we know this? Well, there was once a Dutch scientist Niko Tinbergen, who studied Herring Gulls. If there were a red button available for nuclear destruction, seagulls would press it, because they are completely wired to do so. The Dutch – “Do You Even Science Bro?” Larus argentatus, the European version of default seagull Seagulls are in full support of this practice, and if we want to commune with them, we should probably start here. So what does this White House button in fact do? Turns out it’s just for calling the valet to get a coke or something. The Queen was like ‘Aww!’ and commissioned a fancy desk to give to America in 1880. They were like ‘poor chaps’ and gave it back to the British in the spirit of good will. ![]() This desk was made from wood from the HMS Resolute, a drifting British ship that the Americans found. Included is Barack Obama looking under said desk, for scale (and the memory of better times). I have included an image of the White House’s Resolute Desk below. However, there IS a button available to the president, and it IS red. Luckily for humanity, there is no such nuclear button. There has been much speculation about whether there actually is a red button, from which the president in his infinite ‘stable genius’ could launch a nuclear weapon. Today we answer the ever nagging question: Should you press the red button? Ren & Stimpy lives on in all my explanationsīy chelsea schuyler Red Button of the White House ![]()
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